My emotions recently have been much more stable. I dont know if its that I no longer have crazy pregnancy emotions, or that Im finally far enough removed from all of this that I can finally see the future.
My newest annoyance however, is totally unfounded I know, but bothers me none-the-less. I did NOT have a miscarriage. I dont know why it bothers me so much when people assume that I did. Its still a loss just the same, but is it that I had to make my own choice of what to do instead of my body doing it for me? Besides, once you are 3 months pregnant, you arent SUPPOSED to have miscarriages. Anyway, I'm annoyed.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Getting Mildly Better
I had 2 days last week and 1 day this week so far that I didnt bawl. I think thats a good sign. I'm getting more and more nervous though. I feel like I dont have control of my life which makes me crazy.
We get the 1st set of test results back on Monday. Why it takes 2 weeks to get this done, I dont know. What I do know is that its insane to have to wait. Obviously, we're hoping that all tests come back negative. That the anencephalia was a total fluke - and that we were just really really unlucky. We'll still have to wait another few weeks for the chromosomes from the fetus to come back. And if they come back negative, then we can FINALLY start trying again.
And thats another worry... we only get three tries per live birth. One is already done. I have 2 more, but I'd like to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer). The fresh IVF has a 65% pregnancy rate. The FET has a 20% pregnancy rate. BUT its not painful, it only takes 5 weeks (instead of IVF's 8 or so) so obviously I want to try the FET, but to waste one of my precious tries on something with only a 20% pregnancy rate? Is it worth it? This is what keeps me up at night. I will say that if its not going to work, I certainly hope it just plain doesnt work rather than gets me pregnant for a few months and then screws me over like it did this time. Im quite certain that I cant handle this again. I can hardly handle it this go-around.
We get the 1st set of test results back on Monday. Why it takes 2 weeks to get this done, I dont know. What I do know is that its insane to have to wait. Obviously, we're hoping that all tests come back negative. That the anencephalia was a total fluke - and that we were just really really unlucky. We'll still have to wait another few weeks for the chromosomes from the fetus to come back. And if they come back negative, then we can FINALLY start trying again.
And thats another worry... we only get three tries per live birth. One is already done. I have 2 more, but I'd like to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer). The fresh IVF has a 65% pregnancy rate. The FET has a 20% pregnancy rate. BUT its not painful, it only takes 5 weeks (instead of IVF's 8 or so) so obviously I want to try the FET, but to waste one of my precious tries on something with only a 20% pregnancy rate? Is it worth it? This is what keeps me up at night. I will say that if its not going to work, I certainly hope it just plain doesnt work rather than gets me pregnant for a few months and then screws me over like it did this time. Im quite certain that I cant handle this again. I can hardly handle it this go-around.
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