BFN

Those of you who know, will know what that means.

Back to the drawing board.

False Alarm

AMAZINGLY, it wasnt my period at all. Just a random spit in your face-laugh at you while you panic- kind of thing that indeed made me freak out for no reason? It only lasted a day, went away, and aparently my lining is still a-ok for a transfer. Weird.

Anyway, the date got moved because despite the pretty triple fold lining it wasnt quite ready for a Wednesday transfer so now pushed back to Friday.

I hope those embryocicles are thawing out nicely. Only time and my lovely 2-week wait will tell.

Because someone hates me...

I have a January 23rd frozen embryo transfer scheduled, and despite the shots my husband has been giving me in my backside, Ive managed to get my period.

I cant get a period normally, but when Im trying to NOT get one, it comes. Nice.

I give up.

Finally... a plan

The wheels are finally in gear for another tet-a-tet with fate. January 23rd is the date. I have a nice 6 embryocicles just waiting to be warmed up and thrown into my waiting uterus. Nice image, no? Im feeling surprisingly optimistic about the whole thing. We currently fighting with the doctor though. For some reason he thinks tranferring 3 is a bad idea. What? you think triplets are bad? Please, we put in 2 last time and the one that took didnt have a skull. Im not super convinced Im going to have 3 super babies. And if I do? Good! Then I dont ever have to do this crap again. Apparently, although the frozen embryo transfer is easier, there is no surgery and I only have to go in for ultrasounds and blood work about 5 times (compared to the 30 times of a regular IVF cycle) I have the added bonus of extra shots in my ass. Thats right. my ass. Well, really my "hip" but the pain affects my sitting, so its my ass to me.
Anyway, its nice to finally have a plan.

Anyone Else??

Not to be bitter, but I am... can anyone ELSE get pregnant? Seriously. Why dont we rub it in just a little bit more. Besides one of my closest friends from college, who so lovingly told me how "easy it was for them to get pregnant" and a friend at work, lets see who else we've found out is pregnant since fate took a great big shit on my reproductive dreams...

Jamie Lynn Spears
Hallie Berry
Jennifer Lopez
Mellisa Joan Hart
Cate Blanchett
Nicole Richie
Jessica Alba
Brooke Burke
Christina Agulera
Lilly Allen (who normally wouldnt count, except that she's in all of the magazines.)

I expect we'll hear of at least 10 more before the beginning of February when Im due for my next kick in the nuts (also known as my likely negative next pregnancy test from an IVF)

Thats not what happened

My emotions recently have been much more stable. I dont know if its that I no longer have crazy pregnancy emotions, or that Im finally far enough removed from all of this that I can finally see the future.

My newest annoyance however, is totally unfounded I know, but bothers me none-the-less. I did NOT have a miscarriage. I dont know why it bothers me so much when people assume that I did. Its still a loss just the same, but is it that I had to make my own choice of what to do instead of my body doing it for me? Besides, once you are 3 months pregnant, you arent SUPPOSED to have miscarriages. Anyway, I'm annoyed.

Getting Mildly Better

I had 2 days last week and 1 day this week so far that I didnt bawl. I think thats a good sign. I'm getting more and more nervous though. I feel like I dont have control of my life which makes me crazy.

We get the 1st set of test results back on Monday. Why it takes 2 weeks to get this done, I dont know. What I do know is that its insane to have to wait. Obviously, we're hoping that all tests come back negative. That the anencephalia was a total fluke - and that we were just really really unlucky. We'll still have to wait another few weeks for the chromosomes from the fetus to come back. And if they come back negative, then we can FINALLY start trying again.

And thats another worry... we only get three tries per live birth. One is already done. I have 2 more, but I'd like to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer). The fresh IVF has a 65% pregnancy rate. The FET has a 20% pregnancy rate. BUT its not painful, it only takes 5 weeks (instead of IVF's 8 or so) so obviously I want to try the FET, but to waste one of my precious tries on something with only a 20% pregnancy rate? Is it worth it? This is what keeps me up at night. I will say that if its not going to work, I certainly hope it just plain doesnt work rather than gets me pregnant for a few months and then screws me over like it did this time. Im quite certain that I cant handle this again. I can hardly handle it this go-around.